Child Rearing

In today’s Forum, on BRINGING UP CHILDREN, a father wrote: ‘Father closeness’ keeps adolescents out of vice.

He related that studies in the US and Europe have shown that children and adolescents who grow up in intact families are generally less likely to smoke or drink, try illegal drugs or engage in premarital sex than those who are from broken families.

In the past, a father’s role was the most basic unit of society. He was respected as the head of the household. His role was to work and partnership with his wife to raise children, inculcating the right values to them. He reminisced how his father would bring him and his siblings for weekend swims.

In present Singapore, both parents work and during weekends, it is the maids who are with the children at swimming pools. Many fathers are always busy working, going home late and seldom have time for their children. During weekends, they are at golf courses perfecting their swings to impress their bosses and clients. He urged parents to wake up to their responsibility and start taking action to strengthen their relationship with their children. He concluded by saying: “Let’s not see a generation go to waste because of our neglect.”

While I do agree with this concerned dad, I would like to add that I know of many fathers who do not play golf. Though they may have tight schedules, they still share the burden of upbringing their children with their wives.

Below are some tips on how parents can share their load in child rearing.

· Agree on the tasks that each parent will do
· Allocate time to be with the children – quality time matters
· Allow some private time for each other, i.e. away from the children
· Allow children to have their say at times
· Always keep promises made
· Assign relevant household chores to children, depending on their age
· Avoid arguments in front of the children
· Avoid taking sides when one parent is disciplining the children

Parents are role models to their children. How they behave, relate to each other and treat their own parents have great impact on a child’s development. A healthy lifestyle and good home environment will definitely go a long way.